Extraordinary claims require extraordinary shirts.


Victimless Form of Human Love Blamed for Low-Pressure Weather System October 30, 2012 21:22 2 Comments

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="615"] John McTernan, looking like a new evangelical preacher character Impressionist Frank Caliendo might be working on. (Source: The Raw Story)[/caption]

Pastor Wins Award for Being First to Link Hurricane with Naughty Sinners

In a move shocking everyone today, Defend and Proclaim the Faith Ministries founder John McTernan has fixed the blame for the rampant wettening and gustimization of the East Coast on the homosexual agenda, among other awful sins, according to Gay Star News and The Raw Story.  Surprisingly, the leader of the Homo Brigade has NOT come forward and confessed to angering Yahweh so much that He created a vast tropical cyclone.  IF ONLY THEY WOULD TAKE THEIR DICKS OUT OF BUTTS AND APOLOGIZE!

Ahem.  This... this is no longer news, you know?  You can set your watch, you can successfully poach a delicious egg by sitting back and waiting for the evangelicals to pin devastating natural events on the "sins" of the world.  I'm only sharing this one because, man oh (on) man, McTernan spins such a tale of conspiracy, his leaps of logic are so graceful and vast that one can't help but be impressed.  He first claims that America earned God's wrath when George Bush Primus initiated the Madrid Conference to negotiate peace between Israel and Palestine.  So right out of the gate, he's against peace.  McTernan goes on to play his CD of "Panicky, Confrontational Evangelist's Greatest Hits," like:

  • Obama is 100% behind the Muslim Brotherhood
  • The Madrid Conference was 21 years ago! 21 is 3 X 7, and both of those are MAGIC NUMBERS OF CHRIST*
  • Hurricanes Katrina and Isaac both hit New Orleans during the "Southern Decadence in New Orleans" festival, a super-gay event**
  • Katrina and Isaac were SEVEN (7!) years apart! MAGIC GOD DIGIT

Slightly surprisingly, McTernan says that voting Romney won't help, because both he and Obama are in the pocket (tee hee!) of big gay Al... genda.  So, I guess we're just doomed.

How is this still a thing that happens?  Do we still understand so very little about weather patterns, about low-and-high-pressure systems, about what happens on this planet given certain circumstances that grown men point to an angry tyrant punishing his subjects for living in a way that, coincidentally, happens to make said grown men a little uncomfortable?  How does this still go on?  Or do these adult people, who are allowed to drive cars and rear children, know full well that this is not the case, but chomp at the bit when a natural disaster strikes because it gives them another chance to flap their gums and maybe scare one or two impressionable folk into dropping a fiver in the collection bin?   Think about it, won't you? Thank you.

*He's right here, at least about 3.  Schoolhouse Rock!
**Since when do homosexuals get dibs on decadence? I can be decadent, dammit!