Happy Holidays from Your Judgmental Family December 28, 2012 22:52 3 Comments

Hi, faithful faithless readers! I apologize for the lack of updates during the holidays, but simultaneously celebrating an amalgamation of pagan/Germanic/Norse mythos AND changing our e-commerce service has left me drained.  Articles, talkery, and other writings are in the pipeline, but that pipeline is blocked up and needs copious amounts of Tennessee Honey Jack to unclog it (the perfect belated Christmas gift!).


If you're stuck with the question, "How do I quickly get diabetes and liver failure simultaneously," you have your answer.


In the interim, I thought I'd share a joyous little holiday anecdote from a few days back and see if anyone can top it.  This is my first Christmas as an out-and-about atheist.  For this holiday season, my stepmother insisted that our entire immediate family spend 3 days in Disneyland and its surrounding environs, to celebrate the season, each other, her 50th birthday.  Oh, and the fact that the world didn't experience a Mayan Ragnarok on the 21st (if you press her about that last bit, she'll say she was joking on that front, but she was not. She was genuinely worried that a different culture was right about the apocalypse.  She's been canning preserves for months).  This was your typical family trip - awful identical shirts we all had to wear, cramped lodgings, and the predictable emotional meltdown on day 3.  But, and this was an actual worry throughout, my particular brand of heathenism did not come up.  We got along, we exchanged gifts, we avoided ToonTown like a plague.


Part of you never leaves ToonTown. Part of you is trapped, forever screaming for death.


I was, however, accosted by EXTENDED family.  Our first day in southern California (or The So-C, as I call it), wasn't theme parks, it was a meet-up with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, hangers-on, etc., all of whom make the area surrounding Mt. Disney their home.  After a dinner scheduled for 2PM - because you eat that early on holidays - we gathered at Oma and Opa's house to exchange gifts, hang out, watch toddlers be toddlers, and make general merriment.  That is, until I had the following surprise conversation with my uncle:


Kyle: ::watching nieces play and have fun::
Uncle: "So, Kyle, are you a full-blown atheist or do you still go to church?"
Kyle: ::eyes pop, momentary stunned silemce:: "Uh, no, I guess the former.  I don't go to church."
Uncle: "So you're fully embracing the wrath of evil, then?"
Kyle: "Well, no, I don't see it like that at all.  I don't think I'm 'evil'."
Uncle: "But how do you KNOW!?"
Kyle: "I don't! That's the point...."


At this point we were interrupted by family shenanigans of some kind, and were unable to finish what was started.  I have no idea how many people overheard this exchange. I don't know if my sweet octogenarian grandmother heard the word "atheist" in her home.  I have zero intention of sharing my point of view with my Dutch Catholic grandparents.  It's not important; to me it is trivial information, to them it could be potentially heartbreaking.And as much as I would have liked to fully explain my position to my uncle (who was always the cool uncle growing up, the one with the beat-up stationwagon who gave us surfing lessons), that was NOT the venue for such a debate.  I'm glad it never came up again, but I'd have preferred it not come up at all.

What about you, gang? Please, top my holiday heathen anecdote!  Was this anyone else's first Christmas out and about?  Any blowups concerning the divinity of the little ceramic baby in the manger?  Tell us about it!

If you're looking for the perfect belated Mithras gift for that especial non-believer in your life, look no further!